Two leadership lessons I learned the hard way

And why failure helps you build a better framework for success

I was lucky.

When I became a manager for the first time, I went through a leadership development program with a cohort of other employees over the course of several weeks.

We had assessments, accountability partners, and interactive sessions to practice and learn together. It was in person. We had mandatory attendance.

It laid the foundation for my early leadership skills.

But not all lessons are learned in class.

This week, we’re talking two leadership lessons I learned the hard way.

Lesson 1: You are responsible for what you allow.

At my first ever job, I remember joining a team call and someone was running a few minutes late.

Running late was usual for this person, so I made a flippant comment about getting started whenever they decided to join us.

Ugh, I know.

My manager, who was on the call and sitting right behind me, immediately had us muted and told me that it wasn’t cool to make comments like that.

It was my first lesson in being responsible for what you allow. It didn’t matter that the person wasn’t on the call, she wanted me to know that the behavior wasn’t okay.

I was mortified and so thankful.

As a leader, you’re faced with opportunities every day to allow people to gossip, start rumors, or skip out. How you handle it sets the tone for how they will show up around you and for you in the future.

Lesson 2: “Because I said so” is not a good reason.

When I was running the brand studio of a fast-moving start-up, I had standing meetings to check-in on projects, progress, and approaching deadlines. This was back when work was in-person and I set what I thought was a reasonable start time.

I didn’t have kids and my commute was 10 minutes each way, so I was in the office as early as 7 or 7:30 most days. By the time our stand-up rolled around, I had been at it for a while.

But I was a hard-ass and couldn’t stand when people were late or no-showed stand-ups.

It felt incredibly disrespectful to me.

What did I do?

Instead of examining the meeting time and finding a better fit for everyone involved, I dug my heels in. I got frustrated. I passed judgement on work ethic.

Ugh, again, I know.

Here’s why people weren’t attending (it had nothing to do with respect):

  • Had to take their kids to school before commuting over an hour to the office

  • Had a meeting right before that consistently ran over

  • Did their best creative thinking in the morning

This is a lesson I learned in hindsight.

I could have easily moved the stand-up or set clear expectations for how and why the meeting was important to the daily rhythm of our team.

But my reason was, “it’s my job to run this process so this is how we’re going to do it.”

Yikes.

As leaders, we’re allowed to have preferences and a say in how we get work done. But we also have to consider how teams work best.

In the world of HR

❤️ Leadership tip I love: Jess Meredith shares 22 questions you can ask new team members to promote neuroinclusion for each of the following categories:

  1. Communication Preferences

  2. Meetings

  3. Work Environment

  4. Task Management

  5. Collaboration & Work Relationships

  6. Feedback & Recognition

  7. Professional Development

  8. Well-being

Check out her full post to get the questions and use them in your team expectations setting exercises.

👶 Oh, Kyte Baby: The Internet was awash with hot takes and reactions to Kyte Baby’s rejection of a new mother’s remote work request. The big takeaways? 1. It doesn’t matter what you do, as a brand, you need to live your values. 2. Why are we holding companies accountable for something that governments should be mandating?

My takeaway? We remain much harder on women founders than we do on men. What the company did wasn’t right. Yet how frequently does this happen with companies not founded by women? All the damn time.

We need to examine the lengths at which we go to hold women of color accountable (see: Claudine Gay) versus their (generally white) male counterparts. 

🟣 Making events safer and more inclusive: Anessa Fike started Operation Purple Light in response to learning that people — usually well-known speakers — were using HR/People/Talent conferences as grounds for their predatory behavior. OPL is an active movement that aims to create safer spaces for everyone at conferences and events. You can get your event OPL certified and learn about what that means here.

🔥 Planning your next offsite or team gathering? The more conversations I have about conflict at work, the more I realize many of us missed a crucial “working with others” skill: how to give and receive feedback. Stacey Nordwall suggests adding a workshop on giving and receiving feedback to your next team offsite and I could not love it more!

Kat’s corner

📺 Movie I can’t wait to see: Did you read Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents? It was released in August 2020 and included on just about every “Must read” list. Well, Ava Duvernay turned it into a movie and I cannot wait to see it. 

Origin is out in theaters now, trailer linked here. Have you seen it? Thoughts?

🦅 Energy of the week: Jason Kelce, roaring in delight after his brother scored a touchdown during last weekend’s playoff game. It was freezing cold and shirtless Jason became an immediate meme. Send me a caption and I’ll post my favorite on LinkedIn this week:

🫶 Special shout-out: It’s pretty cool to see someone promote your work consistently when you’ve never even met! This shout-out goes to Cassidy Edwards, one of my favorite LinkedIn friends, who is not only creating, but bringing others up with her. Go subscribe to her kick-a$$ People Newsletter, “Yo, You’re on Mute”!

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