Welcome to your "shriving" era

Shriving is a made-up word my sister and I use to check in on each other.

Shriving is a playful way of saying, “I’m thriving in my survival.” Or in plain language: I have no choice but to survive, so I’m going to joke about how burned out I am and carry on.

Chances are, most people in the working world are “shriving.”

They’ve been given no choice but to survive, and no avenue to rest, slow down, or help themself recover.

This version of shriving is not to be confused with the original meaning of “shrive:”

Though as a people leader, this definition might also resonate.

Show me the data!

Employee burnout is an industrial complex. There are apps, subscriptions, and products galore to “combat employee burnout.” From meditation apps to fitness classes to supplements you can take. It’s all supposed to make employees feel better so they can work better.

But where are we starting from? Take a look at the data:

• According to this workforces report, employee burnout is on par with peak pandemic levels.

• 59% of American workers are experiencing at least moderate levels of burnout (a 13.5% increase from 2021)

• 67% of workers report that stress and burnout at work have increased since the pandemic

• 76% of respondents in a Mental Health American and FlexJobs study agree that workplace stress affects their mental health

• Over half of women in leadership positions say they feel burned out on a consistent basis

• Employees are more likely to feel burned out if they’re also caring for young children

That data is alarming and makes me want to stage dive into a trapdoor. Or drive off in a getaway car. Dealer’s choice.

The myth of self-care

It’s easy to say, “prioritize your needs first!” and then never do it. We live in a society that doesn’t let us.

Here’s my unscientific view of what’s contributing:

1. Layoffs

2023 has been the year of mass layoffs in tech. There is an omnipresent fear of instability in a market that’s seen over 240,000 people lose their jobs.

There’s something unsettling about knowing that it doesn’t matter if I’m good at this or not in your ability to keep a job. Talk about stress!

2. Hate Speech

In addition to the macro-environment, we’re seeing a continued rise in un-consequenced hate: racism, anti-semitism, trans-erasure, sexism, and more.

Politicians saying, your humanity is not welcome here and legislating accordingly. Corporations are standing by and not doing much for fear of losing market share and shareholder goodwill.

This is seeping into our workplaces. Hate is not siloed to something that happens after hours.

Did you know: exposure to hate speech deteriorates your ability to understand someone else's pain.

3. Loneliness

We’re all more isolated than we were three years ago.

By now, I think most people are aware of the health impacts of loneliness: it’s the equivalent of smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

The physical health consequences of not getting enough connection increases the risk of:

• Heart disease by 29%

• Stroke by 32%

• Developing dementia by 50%

• Premature death by 60%

Each factor compounds the other, and I didn’t even get into our addiction to technology or our treatment of working parents. So what’s a people leader to do?

Effective tips to move from shriving to thriving

Give up, it’s never gonna happen! Just kidding.

But you should release the responsibility of putting everyone’s mental health on your back and carrying them to wellbeing. That’s never going to happen.

Our cultures are made up of systems. And you can be responsible for creating solid systems that help your teams.

What do I mean by systems? I mean an organized framework or principle that goes beyond “single use.” This is how we do things vs. this is how I do things.

As a people leader (for your team)

• Implement mindful meetings - mindful meeting culture takes stock of employee circumstances and agrees to blocks of required or flexible meeting hours. For example, workplaces with parents would agree that important meetings aren’t taking place during school drop-off. Global workplaces would agree on a block of time where employees overlap in order to increase collaboration.

• Make PTO (Paid Time Off) mandatory every quarter - taking regular breaks is vital to navigating burnout. Even if your company has an unlimited vacation policy, mandating time off by quarter shows your investment in the well-being of your team and can lead to increased productivity and retention.

• Set clear expectations - most workplace issues come from a lack of expectations or expectations poorly communicated. Knowing what is expected to do the job – yes, even in a start-up! – can help alleviate stress and improve productivity.

• Practice ongoing coaching - this one goes hand-in-hand with clear expectations. Creating a framework of ongoing coaching for your team is so important for career and company growth. It also combats an employee’s ability to feel stagnated and despairing in their job.

As a worker (for yourself)

• Get coaching - you can look for an individual leadership coach, or you can use a tool like Kona, to get personalized leadership training. Whatever it is, invest in this aspect of your career to see the difference it has on your ability to thrive.

• Take frequent breaks - put this sh*t in your calendar! Schedule time to put away your computer and your phone and go touch grass.

• Audit your mental health - what stresses you out during the week? Keep a journal for a week and log what situations made your blood pressure rise, and what situations make you feel connected. It may feel obvious, but when you write it down it becomes even clearer. Prioritize the things that fill you up, and come up with plans to navigate the most stressful situations.

• Find community - the real cure to loneliness is connection. And I don’t just mean deep, reliable friendships. I mean the kind of connection that comes from saying hi to your neighbors and interacting with a stranger at the grocery store. Make it a habit to talk to someone every day.

Did we do it? Are we thriving?